EPOCH…oh, EPOCH, I wanted so badly to like you. You looked like fun—robots, gun, carnage! It’s a formula that’s made hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office, but, unfortunately, EPOCH just fails as a game.

The first thing you’ll notice when playing is that it’s simple…now, this where I would usually tag on a detail about it being deceptively simple or cleverly simple, something like that. But EPOCH is just that: simple. It’s too easy. Shoot your gun. Duck for cover. Reload. Move to the right, repeat. It’s not even free-motion movement, either; it’s rail=based, side to side cover for a predetermined number and class of enemies before you’re automatically moved forward. There doesn’t seem to be anything at stake here, either, both in the way of a story and in terms of dying. There’s not a story to be found, nor is there any real danger in being shot. I never even came close to dying, no matter how much damage I took, because all the missions are locked (at first, at least) to the easiest difficulty. Boring, boring, boring—I didn’t move past the fourth mission, and even then I struggled.

Epoch SteamFirst Review 1

One of the (possibly) redeeming qualities include the inclusion of a weapons and upgrades shop. I was never able to use it (on account of not having enough credits because I quit) but at least it looked promising; I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. The graphics were sometimes sharp, but usually unimaginative and typically bleh, along with a generic soundtrack which I have no real recollection of—it was that unexciting, yeah.

Perhaps this game is better as a mobile game (the platform where it originally started). Mobile games should stay pretty simple, don’t have to be beautiful and should be entertaining in short, easy bursts. As a PC game, though, EPOCH falls flat. Sorry, bud. Maybe next time if you smarten yourself up.

2/5

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